why do i keep living for everyone else? that bothers me. i need to do this.
i'm going to move out to colorado.
possibly...still need to pray about it. this is a hugemongous step to take.
Saturday, July 7, 2007
Friday, June 29, 2007
i'm not sure why i even keep a blog.
my life isn't interesting.
***
i kind of miss mary. it was nice having her around for 3 weeks. it was nice being able to hang out with someone at any time of day.
plus...i miss kristen, her, and i. there's something about her that just ties us all together. its kind of weird...i'm not sure how to even explain it. like..me and kristen have our own special bond. and then me and mary have our own. and they have their own. but...when its the three of us. i don't know...its just unexplainable.
*sigh*
why is it...that all throughout highschool i wanted to have a bond like this. and i finally have it...but one of the persons lives far away.
oh well. i'm just thankful i have it:)
even though i know it won't be like this forever. i know things will change. they all ready did when mary moved...and are they are still changing. with kristen going to third now.
i've come to accept change now. well...i don't really accept it...its something i really don't have a chose about. i still hate it. but...i'm learning to live with it.
***
and i think i'm finally starting to feel better about the whole marriage thing. i'm not so bitter anymore. i'm not sure what it was.
but...i still have problems thinking about a guy "taking care of me" and being the "breadwinner." that still angers me. but...i think i should put that anger into something positive. when i do finally meet someone i'll make it clear that i'm not a woman who needs taken care of. that i'm independent...i have my OWN views, opinions, decisions. and that even though the marriage does bind us into one person...i'm still going to have time to be my own person. so that i don't lose who i am. because i think thats what scares me the most.
and the whole "breadwinner" thing. i probably will stay home with the kids for a few months. but i will have my own career. i don't want to give my future husband an excuse to tell me that i can't buy what i want or do what i want.
anyway.
***
i dyed my hair. its really blonde. i kind of don't like it.
but...its slowly growing on me.
***
me and sam were supposed to hang out today. she called me around 11:30 or 12 and told me that her friend danielle was coming over. and that she was going to go out with her.
ouch. that kind of hurts. i was looking forward to seeing the girls. especially the baby. i haven't seen the baby in weeks.
i think i'm jealous of danielle. who knows. and its the whole...danielle has kids so she understands.
and i don't.
and i won't for a while. oh well.
***
i'm not sure whats going on...but everything seems to be falling apart.
i'm kind of just going with the flow.
first courtney...meh. who cares. and now sam...josh is leaving...kristen with third shift.
hmm...
oh well..i think its just a rough spot. everything will be okay eventually.
***
g'nite
my life isn't interesting.
***
i kind of miss mary. it was nice having her around for 3 weeks. it was nice being able to hang out with someone at any time of day.
plus...i miss kristen, her, and i. there's something about her that just ties us all together. its kind of weird...i'm not sure how to even explain it. like..me and kristen have our own special bond. and then me and mary have our own. and they have their own. but...when its the three of us. i don't know...its just unexplainable.
*sigh*
why is it...that all throughout highschool i wanted to have a bond like this. and i finally have it...but one of the persons lives far away.
oh well. i'm just thankful i have it:)
even though i know it won't be like this forever. i know things will change. they all ready did when mary moved...and are they are still changing. with kristen going to third now.
i've come to accept change now. well...i don't really accept it...its something i really don't have a chose about. i still hate it. but...i'm learning to live with it.
***
and i think i'm finally starting to feel better about the whole marriage thing. i'm not so bitter anymore. i'm not sure what it was.
but...i still have problems thinking about a guy "taking care of me" and being the "breadwinner." that still angers me. but...i think i should put that anger into something positive. when i do finally meet someone i'll make it clear that i'm not a woman who needs taken care of. that i'm independent...i have my OWN views, opinions, decisions. and that even though the marriage does bind us into one person...i'm still going to have time to be my own person. so that i don't lose who i am. because i think thats what scares me the most.
and the whole "breadwinner" thing. i probably will stay home with the kids for a few months. but i will have my own career. i don't want to give my future husband an excuse to tell me that i can't buy what i want or do what i want.
anyway.
***
i dyed my hair. its really blonde. i kind of don't like it.
but...its slowly growing on me.
***
me and sam were supposed to hang out today. she called me around 11:30 or 12 and told me that her friend danielle was coming over. and that she was going to go out with her.
ouch. that kind of hurts. i was looking forward to seeing the girls. especially the baby. i haven't seen the baby in weeks.
i think i'm jealous of danielle. who knows. and its the whole...danielle has kids so she understands.
and i don't.
and i won't for a while. oh well.
***
i'm not sure whats going on...but everything seems to be falling apart.
i'm kind of just going with the flow.
first courtney...meh. who cares. and now sam...josh is leaving...kristen with third shift.
hmm...
oh well..i think its just a rough spot. everything will be okay eventually.
***
g'nite
Thursday, June 28, 2007
i'm not doing anything this weekend.
and then kristen is now going to third, josh is leaving in a month, and erin is moving to chicago.
so i've come to the conclusion that i need to make more friends.
actually...i need to hang out with people that i want to be friends with. because i have a lot of "friends" that i just don't hang out with.
*sigh*
i still feel torn.
i think i'm ready to move. i kind of feel like its starting to become my time. like...there are things setting me up for it.
well..needless to say...i'm a little depressed.
and then kristen is now going to third, josh is leaving in a month, and erin is moving to chicago.
so i've come to the conclusion that i need to make more friends.
actually...i need to hang out with people that i want to be friends with. because i have a lot of "friends" that i just don't hang out with.
*sigh*
i still feel torn.
i think i'm ready to move. i kind of feel like its starting to become my time. like...there are things setting me up for it.
well..needless to say...i'm a little depressed.
Monday, June 18, 2007
wow.
i just realized today was bryce's birthday. he's 24 now. dang. he was 20 when we started going out.
its going to be 4 years since we went out.
shit.
now he's married and having a kid.
24 seems so old. i remember when he turned 21. and all he did was go out and drink.
hands down. this is the best date i could ever remember. always remember the sound of the stereo. dim of the soft lights. the scent of you hair. and the time on the clock when we realized its so late. and this walk that we shared together. the streets were wet. and the gates were locked. so i jumped it and let you in. and you stood at the door with your hands on my waist. and you kissed me like you meant it. and i knew...that you meant it.
and i knew...
that you meant it.
i hate men.
i just realized today was bryce's birthday. he's 24 now. dang. he was 20 when we started going out.
its going to be 4 years since we went out.
shit.
now he's married and having a kid.
24 seems so old. i remember when he turned 21. and all he did was go out and drink.
hands down. this is the best date i could ever remember. always remember the sound of the stereo. dim of the soft lights. the scent of you hair. and the time on the clock when we realized its so late. and this walk that we shared together. the streets were wet. and the gates were locked. so i jumped it and let you in. and you stood at the door with your hands on my waist. and you kissed me like you meant it. and i knew...that you meant it.
and i knew...
that you meant it.
i hate men.
Monday, June 4, 2007
Thursday, May 31, 2007
i think i'm slowly losing a friend. when this kind of things happens. i let it happen. i can't stop the inevitable. i can't force something that's just not there anymore.
gosh. its been so long since i've been in this situation. i've become so different from who i used to be. sometimes i feel like that kid i used to be isn't inside me anymore. she's just a stranger that stayed for a while. and then up and left when things got hard.
but there are the little things that remind me she's still there. when i ride my bike...i'm reminded of what it was like to be free. to feel the breeze on my face. or when i see a bunch of carnival rides and the first thing i want to do is jump on every one. or just the simple things...like just wanting to frolic in the grass. just to feel the grass underneath my feet.
or when i fall for a best friend. when i know i shouldn't. but my heart is telling me its for the best and that it'd be fun. but my brain...just a little bit more grown up...says its wrong. and i need to stop right away.
i am different now. i gain friends and normally i keep them now. they aren't continuous tests that i fail. i actually excell in learning how to keep a friend. i learned to communicate. i learned to quit being so selfish. i learned to listen when i needed too. and give advice when i'm asked.
and so thats how i know that when i start to lose a friend. its because we've become different. and its neither of our faults. now its just something thats meant to be. instead of something that i caused.
and somehow. that keeps my heart from breaking. i don't think of what it'll be like not to have her in my life anymore. i think of what it was like having her in my life. and i have memories.
when all else fails..i have memories.
gosh. its been so long since i've been in this situation. i've become so different from who i used to be. sometimes i feel like that kid i used to be isn't inside me anymore. she's just a stranger that stayed for a while. and then up and left when things got hard.
but there are the little things that remind me she's still there. when i ride my bike...i'm reminded of what it was like to be free. to feel the breeze on my face. or when i see a bunch of carnival rides and the first thing i want to do is jump on every one. or just the simple things...like just wanting to frolic in the grass. just to feel the grass underneath my feet.
or when i fall for a best friend. when i know i shouldn't. but my heart is telling me its for the best and that it'd be fun. but my brain...just a little bit more grown up...says its wrong. and i need to stop right away.
i am different now. i gain friends and normally i keep them now. they aren't continuous tests that i fail. i actually excell in learning how to keep a friend. i learned to communicate. i learned to quit being so selfish. i learned to listen when i needed too. and give advice when i'm asked.
and so thats how i know that when i start to lose a friend. its because we've become different. and its neither of our faults. now its just something thats meant to be. instead of something that i caused.
and somehow. that keeps my heart from breaking. i don't think of what it'll be like not to have her in my life anymore. i think of what it was like having her in my life. and i have memories.
when all else fails..i have memories.
Monday, May 28, 2007
i drive myself cah-ray-zie
i'm never going to get a chance to be someone's maid of honor. i find that really sad actually. jessica will be kristen's and of course mary will have kristen.
:(
:(
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
*cliff notes from my vaca. so i have references for later*
i already have friday.
saturday: mary had to work.
dropped her off.
got a little lost.
went to hobby lobby while i was lost. (haha)
eventually found out how to get back to the apt. thank goodness for savannah!
then i hung out with savannah after she got off work.
we had fun.
picked up andrew.
went to kohls.
back to mary's and i drank wine for the first time! ick.
Sunday:
mary worked again.
went to idaho springs.
got lost again. this time more seriously.
called ryan. thank goodness for ryan!
picked mary up.
went to toy's R us to get apples to apples.
then starbucks. talked about dirty stuff! mary alice.
then we got ready to go to scum.
i cried during the service.
take your mary and run.
then we went to st. mark's and had some really REALLY good coffee and cheese cake.
then we went to aaron's.
got ready for the cabin.
took about an hour or so to get to the cabin.
pee'd out in a scary outhouse.
read Huck Finn once we got settled.
made fun of ryan's accent.
but listened to aaron read and never made fun of him. lol.
then me, sarah, ryan played with his computer.
Monday:
woke up semi-early. (not really.)
ate some cereal for breakfast.
it was a cereal kind of celebration.
then we headed down to the pond.
aaron and ryan dove in.
erin made mary fall in.
mary pushed me in.
freezing. FREEZING water.
i stayed at the cabin.
read harry potter.
the altitude was seriously kicking my ass.
then we got ready to leave.
hailed a whole lot.
mary stressed out a little.
i thought the hail was neat.
i wasn't driving though.
went back to the apartment.
had no time to get ready.
headed back out to Woody's.
it was okay. my stomach was hurting. don't know why?
played apple's to apple's!
FUN GAME!
left after a little while.
went to King Sooper's.
made mudslides at the apartment.
Tuesday:
Started driving to Woodland Park.
stopped in Garden of the Gods.
climbed some rocks.
went to a cute place called the trading post.
then we ended up in Old Colorado Town.
amazing place.
exactly the kind of place i've always been looking for.
went to a cute little coffee shop.
the lady was so amazingly nice.
such good food.
then we went to a place called Funny Gifts.
got a ridiculous looking caterpillar.
the whole place made me laugh.
then we finally went to Woodland Park.
Saw the old Floors N' More (UG.)
stopped in the parking lot.
mom took a pic of me.
saw all the familiar places.
"you can prevent forest fires"
"my grandma's ashes were plopped." conversation.
saw my old school.
saw pikes peak.
drove through the neighborhood.
saw the old playground i used to play at.
saw the old HS.
like it was freaking yesterday.
so familiar to me.
started our drive to Rampart Range.
took a while.
got to the lake.
end of the world.
mary prayed.
lake cleared up.
lake went back to foggy 10 minutes later.
(thanks God)
pee'd in the rocky mountain trees.
got a little lost driving back.
called 911.
they told us to keep going.
we did.
hour and a half later we emerge from the depths of trees and nothingness.
realize we were lost in a shooting range.
(great!)
oh wait. mary knew that already! saw the shells while we were pee'ing.
thanks mary.
then we started driving home.
went to old chicago.
then starbucks.
then home.
Wednesday:
Erin left for Africa.
i love her. awesome possum.
then mary cleaned.
i read harry potter some more.
went to kohl's.
that was no good.
then lookout mountain.
aaron called me a liar about seeing an animal dart across the grass.
jerk.
then we went to jose oshea's.
had some free taco's.
germ city.
said goodbye to ryan, aaron, and lydia:(
Thursday:
Went to Golden.
went to the coor's factory.
took the tour.
got tipsy. (big oops.)
went to historic downtown Golden.
got a t-shirt.
ate at different Woody's.
pretty dang good.
went to clear creek.
walked around.
stuck our feet in the chilling water.
warmer than that pond though!
went back to the apartment. :(
hung out with savvyannah.
went to a place called Herbs and something or other.
weird place.
had stuff for wicca.
had a penis candle.
for women to get more sex.
wow.
and herbs.
savvyannah looked at some nuttle stuff. or something.
for her allergies.
*caution. do not over use. may cause hallucinations*
something like that.
wow again.
went to independent records.
i bought bambi and cinderella!!
went to a cute european style coffee house.
fell in love with it.
went to pick aaron and caitlyn up from Joshua's House.
or something like that.
Went to the Naked Dumpster.
hahahahahah.
Aaron and Savvyannah stole Naked Juice from the dumpsters.
then we went to the park.
smoked some herbs. tabacco free and something else free. i can't remember.
really funny.
i felt like we were smoking pot.
it also looked like it too.
Friday:
Woke up at 3:50.
3 hours of sleep.
now that was fun.
flew home!
i already have friday.
saturday: mary had to work.
dropped her off.
got a little lost.
went to hobby lobby while i was lost. (haha)
eventually found out how to get back to the apt. thank goodness for savannah!
then i hung out with savannah after she got off work.
we had fun.
picked up andrew.
went to kohls.
back to mary's and i drank wine for the first time! ick.
Sunday:
mary worked again.
went to idaho springs.
got lost again. this time more seriously.
called ryan. thank goodness for ryan!
picked mary up.
went to toy's R us to get apples to apples.
then starbucks. talked about dirty stuff! mary alice.
then we got ready to go to scum.
i cried during the service.
take your mary and run.
then we went to st. mark's and had some really REALLY good coffee and cheese cake.
then we went to aaron's.
got ready for the cabin.
took about an hour or so to get to the cabin.
pee'd out in a scary outhouse.
read Huck Finn once we got settled.
made fun of ryan's accent.
but listened to aaron read and never made fun of him. lol.
then me, sarah, ryan played with his computer.
Monday:
woke up semi-early. (not really.)
ate some cereal for breakfast.
it was a cereal kind of celebration.
then we headed down to the pond.
aaron and ryan dove in.
erin made mary fall in.
mary pushed me in.
freezing. FREEZING water.
i stayed at the cabin.
read harry potter.
the altitude was seriously kicking my ass.
then we got ready to leave.
hailed a whole lot.
mary stressed out a little.
i thought the hail was neat.
i wasn't driving though.
went back to the apartment.
had no time to get ready.
headed back out to Woody's.
it was okay. my stomach was hurting. don't know why?
played apple's to apple's!
FUN GAME!
left after a little while.
went to King Sooper's.
made mudslides at the apartment.
Tuesday:
Started driving to Woodland Park.
stopped in Garden of the Gods.
climbed some rocks.
went to a cute place called the trading post.
then we ended up in Old Colorado Town.
amazing place.
exactly the kind of place i've always been looking for.
went to a cute little coffee shop.
the lady was so amazingly nice.
such good food.
then we went to a place called Funny Gifts.
got a ridiculous looking caterpillar.
the whole place made me laugh.
then we finally went to Woodland Park.
Saw the old Floors N' More (UG.)
stopped in the parking lot.
mom took a pic of me.
saw all the familiar places.
"you can prevent forest fires"
"my grandma's ashes were plopped." conversation.
saw my old school.
saw pikes peak.
drove through the neighborhood.
saw the old playground i used to play at.
saw the old HS.
like it was freaking yesterday.
so familiar to me.
started our drive to Rampart Range.
took a while.
got to the lake.
end of the world.
mary prayed.
lake cleared up.
lake went back to foggy 10 minutes later.
(thanks God)
pee'd in the rocky mountain trees.
got a little lost driving back.
called 911.
they told us to keep going.
we did.
hour and a half later we emerge from the depths of trees and nothingness.
realize we were lost in a shooting range.
(great!)
oh wait. mary knew that already! saw the shells while we were pee'ing.
thanks mary.
then we started driving home.
went to old chicago.
then starbucks.
then home.
Wednesday:
Erin left for Africa.
i love her. awesome possum.
then mary cleaned.
i read harry potter some more.
went to kohl's.
that was no good.
then lookout mountain.
aaron called me a liar about seeing an animal dart across the grass.
jerk.
then we went to jose oshea's.
had some free taco's.
germ city.
said goodbye to ryan, aaron, and lydia:(
Thursday:
Went to Golden.
went to the coor's factory.
took the tour.
got tipsy. (big oops.)
went to historic downtown Golden.
got a t-shirt.
ate at different Woody's.
pretty dang good.
went to clear creek.
walked around.
stuck our feet in the chilling water.
warmer than that pond though!
went back to the apartment. :(
hung out with savvyannah.
went to a place called Herbs and something or other.
weird place.
had stuff for wicca.
had a penis candle.
for women to get more sex.
wow.
and herbs.
savvyannah looked at some nuttle stuff. or something.
for her allergies.
*caution. do not over use. may cause hallucinations*
something like that.
wow again.
went to independent records.
i bought bambi and cinderella!!
went to a cute european style coffee house.
fell in love with it.
went to pick aaron and caitlyn up from Joshua's House.
or something like that.
Went to the Naked Dumpster.
hahahahahah.
Aaron and Savvyannah stole Naked Juice from the dumpsters.
then we went to the park.
smoked some herbs. tabacco free and something else free. i can't remember.
really funny.
i felt like we were smoking pot.
it also looked like it too.
Friday:
Woke up at 3:50.
3 hours of sleep.
now that was fun.
flew home!
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
bryce is having a baby.
i find myself actually caring. not in a way that i want though. i knew it was going to eventually happen soon. i thought that when i'd hear the words that i'd say something along the lines like---"oh...good for him!" and then move on in a whistful kind of way without a care.
no. instead...i keep having all these flashbacks. to words we had said to each other and our times spent together.
i know now that i'm glad we didn't end up together. but at one time...my heart had actually thought that we would be married and have our own kids. i'm not sure why. i guess when you don't really know what love is...and you want is so badly...you just start to believe anything. and confuse emotions.
anyway. bottomline. he's having a kid---i'm a little sad---but i'm on my way to being over it.
i should just think positive. thank God i didn't end up with him.
he rarely made me laugh, i could never make him laugh, he didn't communicate properly...he'd just clam up whenever we'd get in a fight, he was still a child, and he was selfish....lord was he selfish. not to even mention our sex life. good lord. it was good. don't get me wrong. but sometimes...i'm not even going to say. lets just say...he didn't communicate well with that either. gawd.
anyway.
but there were other positive things about him that i did "love." obviously. or i wouldn't have been with him. i just can't remember. they were bigger things that he did. and sweet things he'd say. negative things are always so much easier to remember.
***
anyway. the thing about marriage though..is that i'm scared that i'll think its right. i'll think that this guy is "the one" (what is "the one" anyway. puhleeze.) and i'm completely wrong. and we end up divorced. i want to do this once. and make it right. i don't want to have an oops moment and have to go searching again. *sigh*
then there was times when i just don't want to get married. i'd rather be alone then face changes and rocky times. i guess i see it as...why even bother? when i know that all i'll do is get annoyed with my husband at the little things...and we'll just fight. and i know...that there are people who would rather have that then be alone too. good for them. i wish i could be like that.
i'm getting used to being single. i like the freedom. i don't have anyone to answer too. i don't have to ask my husband if its okay to get something from the store...or if i can take the car....etc etc. i can go as i please...hang out with who i want too. i don't have to worry about my husband being mad for hanging out with guys.
this is the selfish part of me. a good selfish i think. being my own person. i don't want to give up my freedom.
:(
dear God,
can i just not get married? and make me okay with that please?
i find myself actually caring. not in a way that i want though. i knew it was going to eventually happen soon. i thought that when i'd hear the words that i'd say something along the lines like---"oh...good for him!" and then move on in a whistful kind of way without a care.
no. instead...i keep having all these flashbacks. to words we had said to each other and our times spent together.
i know now that i'm glad we didn't end up together. but at one time...my heart had actually thought that we would be married and have our own kids. i'm not sure why. i guess when you don't really know what love is...and you want is so badly...you just start to believe anything. and confuse emotions.
anyway. bottomline. he's having a kid---i'm a little sad---but i'm on my way to being over it.
i should just think positive. thank God i didn't end up with him.
he rarely made me laugh, i could never make him laugh, he didn't communicate properly...he'd just clam up whenever we'd get in a fight, he was still a child, and he was selfish....lord was he selfish. not to even mention our sex life. good lord. it was good. don't get me wrong. but sometimes...i'm not even going to say. lets just say...he didn't communicate well with that either. gawd.
anyway.
but there were other positive things about him that i did "love." obviously. or i wouldn't have been with him. i just can't remember. they were bigger things that he did. and sweet things he'd say. negative things are always so much easier to remember.
***
anyway. the thing about marriage though..is that i'm scared that i'll think its right. i'll think that this guy is "the one" (what is "the one" anyway. puhleeze.) and i'm completely wrong. and we end up divorced. i want to do this once. and make it right. i don't want to have an oops moment and have to go searching again. *sigh*
then there was times when i just don't want to get married. i'd rather be alone then face changes and rocky times. i guess i see it as...why even bother? when i know that all i'll do is get annoyed with my husband at the little things...and we'll just fight. and i know...that there are people who would rather have that then be alone too. good for them. i wish i could be like that.
i'm getting used to being single. i like the freedom. i don't have anyone to answer too. i don't have to ask my husband if its okay to get something from the store...or if i can take the car....etc etc. i can go as i please...hang out with who i want too. i don't have to worry about my husband being mad for hanging out with guys.
this is the selfish part of me. a good selfish i think. being my own person. i don't want to give up my freedom.
:(
dear God,
can i just not get married? and make me okay with that please?
Monday, May 21, 2007
i find myself jealous of the stupidest things. i know they're stupid and yet they still consume my every thought.
i just feel like i don't get loving words from them. i feel like a third wheel. like i'm just not good enough because i don't give the best advice...or i'm not as funny as the other one.
these are the kind of times when i could just leave without regret.
and meet new people.
***
i hope she realizes that i'm staying distant. even after what's her face leaves. grr. i hope when i have a boyfriend i can have a stable relationship with my friends and him. and have the ability to have them both at the same time. but. i'm able to function as a human being. thats the difference.yeah those were two different subjects. anyway.
***
my cousin is getting married on saturday. yet again...still feel like my life is just blah and standing still. i can't believe she's getting married....she's 22. i remember when we were just little kids and we were playing with barbies.
and then natalie had a baby last week. not that i'm saying i'm exactly jealous of that. i'm glad i was smart and used a condom.
***
i get to see joshie on friday! i haven't seen that kid in forever!!!:) (josh james btw.) haha.
i just feel like i don't get loving words from them. i feel like a third wheel. like i'm just not good enough because i don't give the best advice...or i'm not as funny as the other one.
these are the kind of times when i could just leave without regret.
and meet new people.
***
i hope she realizes that i'm staying distant. even after what's her face leaves. grr. i hope when i have a boyfriend i can have a stable relationship with my friends and him. and have the ability to have them both at the same time. but. i'm able to function as a human being. thats the difference.yeah those were two different subjects. anyway.
***
my cousin is getting married on saturday. yet again...still feel like my life is just blah and standing still. i can't believe she's getting married....she's 22. i remember when we were just little kids and we were playing with barbies.
and then natalie had a baby last week. not that i'm saying i'm exactly jealous of that. i'm glad i was smart and used a condom.
***
i get to see joshie on friday! i haven't seen that kid in forever!!!:) (josh james btw.) haha.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
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Tuesday, May 8, 2007
i don't want to be your fool in this game for two.
how is it that...when two people who are absolutely perfect for each other.....
either never see it. notice it...even realize its there.
or just completely ignore it. pretend that fact doesn't exist.
OR. one person notices...realizes that fact does exist...and knows the other person is totally oblivious.
or knows.......they don't even care.
my heart kind of hurts.
not sure why. i can't really figure it out.
other than that..my friends are amazing. and josh and kristen are definitely my best friends. its going to be tough when josh moves. it still makes me want to cry a little bit. but...i don't let myself. :) i'm happy for him. i'm excited for him to experience new things and meet new people. maybe even get a girlfriend! :-o! its so weird to think of him having a girlfriend. haha. i sure will miss him though.
anyway. we saw spiderman tonight. <3>
and topher grace looked like a dumb ass with his hair blonde. i deff don't like his hair like that. lol. still sexy though.
either never see it. notice it...even realize its there.
or just completely ignore it. pretend that fact doesn't exist.
OR. one person notices...realizes that fact does exist...and knows the other person is totally oblivious.
or knows.......they don't even care.
my heart kind of hurts.
not sure why. i can't really figure it out.
other than that..my friends are amazing. and josh and kristen are definitely my best friends. its going to be tough when josh moves. it still makes me want to cry a little bit. but...i don't let myself. :) i'm happy for him. i'm excited for him to experience new things and meet new people. maybe even get a girlfriend! :-o! its so weird to think of him having a girlfriend. haha. i sure will miss him though.
anyway. we saw spiderman tonight. <3>
and topher grace looked like a dumb ass with his hair blonde. i deff don't like his hair like that. lol. still sexy though.
Sunday, May 6, 2007
i want to go to England.
i love their accents. and the houses and the history.
i work again tomorrow. i've been working for two weeks now without a day off.
yeah. its ridiculous. i'm so burnt out from working. seriously. i just want to turn to jello.
today wasn't too bad. even though i had to get up at 4:30. good lord. i think the only things that kept me sane were the lovely people i work with. seriously. i <3>
anyway. i wish i had more of a life and more to talk about. but..i really don't.
i love their accents. and the houses and the history.
i work again tomorrow. i've been working for two weeks now without a day off.
yeah. its ridiculous. i'm so burnt out from working. seriously. i just want to turn to jello.
today wasn't too bad. even though i had to get up at 4:30. good lord. i think the only things that kept me sane were the lovely people i work with. seriously. i <3>
anyway. i wish i had more of a life and more to talk about. but..i really don't.
Thursday, May 3, 2007
oh well. i guess i must have fumbled.
i never think about him anymore.
sahweet.
sooooooooooooooo good.
i go to colorado in 7 days.
i am so excited and nervous about flying. but i'm mostly excited. annnnnnnd...i got a nice paycheck. so i'm excited about that.
sahweet.
sooooooooooooooo good.
i go to colorado in 7 days.
i am so excited and nervous about flying. but i'm mostly excited. annnnnnnd...i got a nice paycheck. so i'm excited about that.
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
i'm weak in the knees for you. but they're still strong.
i'm sick of work.
8.5 hours and a 20 minute break. what the fuck. seriously. i was so pissed off at my manager.
my feet were aching at the end of the day. i didn't get to fucking eat. i normally go to subway on my half hour.
so i was also very weak. i thought i was going to fucking pass out.
today was just so bad. i wanted to walk out. i really did. i debated for a couple minutes.
then i talked myself out of it.
which is good because i kind of would have regreted it later on. aka: right now.
and the customers were ridiculous. i know its senior day, okay?! I KNOW. >
after each transaction: "did you get my discount? i'm a senior." yes...i can see that by your old, ugly, wrinkled face. yes. i know you're a fucking senior. or...this is the best. with their grouchy attitude and raspy voice "I'M A SENIOR!" o.m.g.
another pet peeve: when their total is .53 cents and they give me a $20.00 bill. and i literally have to waste my $5 bills on them. ug. and when i say waste...its b/c we don't have that many in the safe.
laskdjflkajsdflkjaslkdfjlkasjdflkjasdlkf.
SO. with all that said. i am officially looking for a new job. anything. and then i get to walk in there and say "i quit" and feel wonderful.
so that was my whole day. old people and annoying managers.
8.5 hours and a 20 minute break. what the fuck. seriously. i was so pissed off at my manager.
my feet were aching at the end of the day. i didn't get to fucking eat. i normally go to subway on my half hour.
so i was also very weak. i thought i was going to fucking pass out.
today was just so bad. i wanted to walk out. i really did. i debated for a couple minutes.
then i talked myself out of it.
which is good because i kind of would have regreted it later on. aka: right now.
and the customers were ridiculous. i know its senior day, okay?! I KNOW. >
after each transaction: "did you get my discount? i'm a senior." yes...i can see that by your old, ugly, wrinkled face. yes. i know you're a fucking senior. or...this is the best. with their grouchy attitude and raspy voice "I'M A SENIOR!" o.m.g.
another pet peeve: when their total is .53 cents and they give me a $20.00 bill. and i literally have to waste my $5 bills on them. ug. and when i say waste...its b/c we don't have that many in the safe.
laskdjflkajsdflkjaslkdfjlkasjdflkjasdlkf.
SO. with all that said. i am officially looking for a new job. anything. and then i get to walk in there and say "i quit" and feel wonderful.
so that was my whole day. old people and annoying managers.
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
i saw alison today. i saw her when i was coming around the corner at kroger..she was coming out of an isle up a head a little bit.
i kind of did a double take. i didn't know whether we were actually going to stop and talk or not. its kind of strange because just the other day i was thinking about her. and me and my mom had just been talking about her a couple days ago too.
its really strange that i still kind of know her really well. i could tell she felt awkward at first. or maybe she's just easy to read. i don't know. its something about her facial expressions.
my mom hugged her. i chose to just stand back a little bit and act distracted with seth.
we talked for a little bit. actually...when i was thinking about her the other day. i had been wondering whether she still lived at home or not as i drove by her street. and i was feeling kind of sad that i didn't really know.
and i found out today that she's moving to bloomington. i'm definitely more blunt. lol. i was like "moving in with ben?" haha. and the answer was of course...yes.
i'm happy for her i guess. every so often i'll wonder if she and i will ever be friends again. but i don't think so. i think this was supposed to be my closure. so i'll stop thinking about her. well..not really stop thinking about her...just stop feeling that sad feeling in the pit of my stomach. Thanks God:)
i feel bad for my mom. she still loves her to death:( nothing i can do though.
...life has turned out so strange. i never thought that years down the road i wouldn't be friends with Alison. when i looked into the future...i still saw her as my closest friend.
i knew her so well. she was my sister. and now she's just a stranger.
i kind of did a double take. i didn't know whether we were actually going to stop and talk or not. its kind of strange because just the other day i was thinking about her. and me and my mom had just been talking about her a couple days ago too.
its really strange that i still kind of know her really well. i could tell she felt awkward at first. or maybe she's just easy to read. i don't know. its something about her facial expressions.
my mom hugged her. i chose to just stand back a little bit and act distracted with seth.
we talked for a little bit. actually...when i was thinking about her the other day. i had been wondering whether she still lived at home or not as i drove by her street. and i was feeling kind of sad that i didn't really know.
and i found out today that she's moving to bloomington. i'm definitely more blunt. lol. i was like "moving in with ben?" haha. and the answer was of course...yes.
i'm happy for her i guess. every so often i'll wonder if she and i will ever be friends again. but i don't think so. i think this was supposed to be my closure. so i'll stop thinking about her. well..not really stop thinking about her...just stop feeling that sad feeling in the pit of my stomach. Thanks God:)
i feel bad for my mom. she still loves her to death:( nothing i can do though.
...life has turned out so strange. i never thought that years down the road i wouldn't be friends with Alison. when i looked into the future...i still saw her as my closest friend.
i knew her so well. she was my sister. and now she's just a stranger.
boy you bring trouble.
i really want a boyfriend. i just get lonely. and thats why i want one.
but then i remember all the trouble they bring.
and suddenly i'm thankful i'm still single.
but then i remember all the trouble they bring.
and suddenly i'm thankful i'm still single.
Monday, April 30, 2007
this love is serious.youkeepmeseriouslyoutofmymind.
the saddest thing is
you could be anything
we could have been everything
but now its not
we aren't anything at all.
worked today. i feel like a child when i'm working with carol sometimes.
oh well. she still makes me laugh most times.
amy came to the conclusion today that she and i are the only ones without appreciation stickers. :( we have a big bulletin of names and next to them you can get stickers...and i think someone wins something at the end when they get the most? who knows. i don't really care...but i'd like to at least have ONE. i mean. i do work on register all day and deal with annoying customers...and i DO A HELL OF A LOT OF BALLOONS. seriously. my hands ache and are sore for a couple days after friday's and saturday's.
ug.
doesn't really matter. i guess what i'm looking for most is appreciation. because i'm not getting any.
anyway. nuff about work.
i got to see kristen for a little bit today. about an hour. :( i keep thinking of all these fun things we could do since warm weather is finally here...but then i remember that isn't going to happen. because all she does is work now. which is fine. that's life. its still really depressing. from where i stand anyway.
i guess i'm not hanging out with Sam tomorrow? she never called me back. so i don't know.
i'm actually kind of worried about her. i don't know...she could be having the baby right now or something for all i know. normally i can depend on her calling me back. oh well. i'll have to see tomorrow morning.
Sunday, April 29, 2007
AND DON'T YOU FORGETABOUIT.
I wear a disguise
I'm just your average jane
The super doesn't stand for model
But that doesn't mean I'm plain
If all you see is how I look
You miss the superchick within
And I christen you titanic underestimate and swim
I've got the rifle gonna be myself
And I'll be everything that I want to be
I am confidence in insecurity
I am a voice yet waiting to be heard
I'll shoot the shot, bang, that you hear round the world
And I'm a one girl revolution
hop.skip.&.a.jump.to.the.other.side.of.happy.
i'm so incredibly hungry right now. and i'm not really sure why. i'm thinking its my hormones or something. i think i'm pms'ing. feels about right. i pms a week before i actually start my period.
racking my brain trying to think of something decent to talk about.
i did nothing today. all i did was just sit around. and you know what? it was nice. i work all the time...so i feel like a day where i just sit and chill...is acceptable. haha. it feels justified. plus...i'm working everyday except tuesday this week. and including Sunday. which...i have to get up at 5 that day. and be at work at 5:30. oh and then i get to work until 1:30. i'm not sure why i get to be one of the chosen ones who have to be there at the butt crack of dawn. maybe because i'm a good worker? who knows. lately i haven't really been feelings appreciated. so thats probably doubtful and out of the question.
but i will have to count with all those people that i counted with when i worked at old navy. for inventory. i'm not looking forward to it. because we'll have to be pulling boxes upon boxes from the shelves. and counting everything.
but oh well.
such is life.
i am worried that i'm getting a UTI. because if i'm getting a UTI...i'm going to have to go the doctor. and i really don't want to pay for medicine either. fuck. why does this shit always happen to me? why do i always...ALWAYS get UTI's? i tried the whole cranberry juice fad. but...it didn't seem to work. i think. i'm not really sure as of right now. i need to go get more...but i'm not risking my life to go to Myer's...just for juice. which..i highly doubt they even have.
i'm to lazy to go to Kroger. I'll just have to do it in the morning i think.
i like my new blog. i feel secluded yet...everyone and anyone can read it. which..i doubt anyone has. i'm not that interesting. just wait until i get depressed about something...then my entries will be half interesting. haha.
oh...and those feelings that i had for along time are finally fading. my heart is finally mending after being bruised from the information that i found out. and in a way its kind of sad...because i don't want to let go of what those feelings belonged too. but in another way...its so good. and free'ing.
racking my brain trying to think of something decent to talk about.
i did nothing today. all i did was just sit around. and you know what? it was nice. i work all the time...so i feel like a day where i just sit and chill...is acceptable. haha. it feels justified. plus...i'm working everyday except tuesday this week. and including Sunday. which...i have to get up at 5 that day. and be at work at 5:30. oh and then i get to work until 1:30. i'm not sure why i get to be one of the chosen ones who have to be there at the butt crack of dawn. maybe because i'm a good worker? who knows. lately i haven't really been feelings appreciated. so thats probably doubtful and out of the question.
but i will have to count with all those people that i counted with when i worked at old navy. for inventory. i'm not looking forward to it. because we'll have to be pulling boxes upon boxes from the shelves. and counting everything.
but oh well.
such is life.
i am worried that i'm getting a UTI. because if i'm getting a UTI...i'm going to have to go the doctor. and i really don't want to pay for medicine either. fuck. why does this shit always happen to me? why do i always...ALWAYS get UTI's? i tried the whole cranberry juice fad. but...it didn't seem to work. i think. i'm not really sure as of right now. i need to go get more...but i'm not risking my life to go to Myer's...just for juice. which..i highly doubt they even have.
i'm to lazy to go to Kroger. I'll just have to do it in the morning i think.
i like my new blog. i feel secluded yet...everyone and anyone can read it. which..i doubt anyone has. i'm not that interesting. just wait until i get depressed about something...then my entries will be half interesting. haha.
oh...and those feelings that i had for along time are finally fading. my heart is finally mending after being bruised from the information that i found out. and in a way its kind of sad...because i don't want to let go of what those feelings belonged too. but in another way...its so good. and free'ing.
Saturday, April 28, 2007
tomato's tomatto's
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
I think I'm apathetic, but I can't be bothered to find out.
That which does not kill us, makes us stronger!
People need your love the most when they appear to deserve it the least.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade!
It takes a big man to cry... but it takes an even bigger man to laugh at that man.
I think I'm apathetic, but I can't be bothered to find out.
That which does not kill us, makes us stronger!
People need your love the most when they appear to deserve it the least.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade!
It takes a big man to cry... but it takes an even bigger man to laugh at that man.
death by juice.
i'd rather down shots of tequila then drink cranberry juice. this stuff is nasty. if it weren't for the fact that i get UTI's really easily and have one right now...i wouldn't go near this stuff. i don't know how Emily can drink this casually. gawd.
just tastes like vomit.
fo shizzle.
just tastes like vomit.
fo shizzle.
take the photograph. it'll be the last.
my cousin is having her baby next week. its so f'ing weird to think she's going to have a kid. my aunt wanted me to drop everything and come down to springfield to help out. um. yeah right. i can't just leave me job. and she was being serious too! if i didn't have a job then there might have been the possibility of going down there and helping out. because she does have a crazy life. the shop that she has to run and her 2 kids and now natalie's baby. anyway.
and amy is having her baby here pretty soon. so she'll be leaving FCPO. kind of saddening.
well last night was interesting. had fun at cheddar's. it was kind of weird not having Kurd there. i guess i'll have to just get used to not having her around. toughie skiiiin;) i had a couple drinks. michaline's looked like some vomited into her cup. that shit was nasty. lol. it was all...weird looking.
i kept talking at the same time with everyone. michaline was going to call Praveen..or text him? one of the two. either way. and me and josh were like "doooo it!" then we went to hoops. that was okay. after experiencing American Pi...hoops really isn't all that fun anymore. you just sit there. its more for eating i think.
anyway. i got a little tipsy at hoops. lame. lol. i only had two long island iceteas. but i downed them. so me, courtney, and mich took a shuttle from the hotel she works at to Jimmy's. i'm not really sure why? lol. either way. it was fun.
so basically. we had fun until i got really drunk and kind of passed out on the table. there were a few times i thought i was seriously going to puke. oh wow. worst feeling. but i didn't. i basically just held it in. lol. i didn't let myself. i'm never drinking that fast again. after i give kurd crap and everything. what was i thinking?! lol.
i'm kind of dissapointed i missed out on a lot. but oh well. i mean..i had my head down for an hour or so. goodness.
the only thing that woke me was josh yelling "michaline habibhabibhabibhabib" over and over again. i finally just got up and started walking around. and i felt a smidge better.
i figured i was fine if i could take a car ride. haha.
then courtney and michaline forced me to walk downtown. omg. lol. then they also forced me to go richard's. it was okay though because i had to pee. and i remember the guy checking IDs. lord. i asked him if my hair was okay. because it was windy and rainy out. lol. and he started teasing me about how it was poofing on the side and stuff. we were leaving and i went to say bye and he made a hand motion trying to tell me that it was still poofy. lol. i was like "nope!" hahaha. wow.
then i came home and passssssed out.
kind of tired of drinking though.
and amy is having her baby here pretty soon. so she'll be leaving FCPO. kind of saddening.
well last night was interesting. had fun at cheddar's. it was kind of weird not having Kurd there. i guess i'll have to just get used to not having her around. toughie skiiiin;) i had a couple drinks. michaline's looked like some vomited into her cup. that shit was nasty. lol. it was all...weird looking.
i kept talking at the same time with everyone. michaline was going to call Praveen..or text him? one of the two. either way. and me and josh were like "doooo it!" then we went to hoops. that was okay. after experiencing American Pi...hoops really isn't all that fun anymore. you just sit there. its more for eating i think.
anyway. i got a little tipsy at hoops. lame. lol. i only had two long island iceteas. but i downed them. so me, courtney, and mich took a shuttle from the hotel she works at to Jimmy's. i'm not really sure why? lol. either way. it was fun.
so basically. we had fun until i got really drunk and kind of passed out on the table. there were a few times i thought i was seriously going to puke. oh wow. worst feeling. but i didn't. i basically just held it in. lol. i didn't let myself. i'm never drinking that fast again. after i give kurd crap and everything. what was i thinking?! lol.
i'm kind of dissapointed i missed out on a lot. but oh well. i mean..i had my head down for an hour or so. goodness.
the only thing that woke me was josh yelling "michaline habibhabibhabibhabib" over and over again. i finally just got up and started walking around. and i felt a smidge better.
i figured i was fine if i could take a car ride. haha.
then courtney and michaline forced me to walk downtown. omg. lol. then they also forced me to go richard's. it was okay though because i had to pee. and i remember the guy checking IDs. lord. i asked him if my hair was okay. because it was windy and rainy out. lol. and he started teasing me about how it was poofing on the side and stuff. we were leaving and i went to say bye and he made a hand motion trying to tell me that it was still poofy. lol. i was like "nope!" hahaha. wow.
then i came home and passssssed out.
kind of tired of drinking though.
Thursday, April 26, 2007
"What I want is to be needed. What I need is to be indispensable to somebody. Who I need is somebody that will eat up all my free time, my ego, my attention. Somebody addicted to me. A mutual addiction."-Chuck Palahniuk
Sometimes I wonder what it is about you that makes me try so hard.
they're the people that make your problems theirs so you won't have to face them alone.<3
Sometimes I wonder what it is about you that makes me try so hard.
they're the people that make your problems theirs so you won't have to face them alone.<3
i got a thumper stuffed animal today. he's so cute. i need to buy Bambie two.
i'd like to get Peter Pan too.
hanging out with my friends tomorrow night. i'm excited b/c i'm hanging out with jess and courtney. and i haven't seen them in forever. i can't wait until summer. summer=seeing courtney more often and our little photoshoots.
i wish i could have sara's life. actually...i just admire her. she's doing what i wish i could do. i want to move out of state. maybe when i head out to colorado i can try to make up my mind about moving there.
i'd love too.
oh who knows.
i'm probably stuck here forever. and maybe thats not so bad. maybe i'll move to chicago or something.
you know...
i've never actually been to Chicago! so weird. i've actually been in Chicago twice. once when i went to see the ataris with Bryce at the madison. right next to wrigley field! gosh. i still remember that really well. but it was late at night and he was tired. so we couldn't do much exploring.
then the other time was when sarah, me, and mary were driving to the airport. kind of had to drive through the ghetto. ha. both times were about bryce.
its weird that i'm friends with sarah again! we have such an on and off friendship. its really bad. i wish it would just stay on. but now she has a kid. so its more difficult to keep a friendship.
i didn't get to see Sam today. thats okay. i got up so early today that i actually forgot i was supposed to hang out with her. i'm not sure what i was thinking. lol. i've never done that before. so i just hung out with my mommy:) we did a little bit of shopping. but i didn't really have any luck today. i couldn't find any clothes that i actually like.
its only 10:00 and i want to go bed. i think i just might.
sorry this was so boring. i'm just a very boring person.
do you feel like man when you push her around?
do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
i'd like to get Peter Pan too.
hanging out with my friends tomorrow night. i'm excited b/c i'm hanging out with jess and courtney. and i haven't seen them in forever. i can't wait until summer. summer=seeing courtney more often and our little photoshoots.
i wish i could have sara's life. actually...i just admire her. she's doing what i wish i could do. i want to move out of state. maybe when i head out to colorado i can try to make up my mind about moving there.
i'd love too.
oh who knows.
i'm probably stuck here forever. and maybe thats not so bad. maybe i'll move to chicago or something.
you know...
i've never actually been to Chicago! so weird. i've actually been in Chicago twice. once when i went to see the ataris with Bryce at the madison. right next to wrigley field! gosh. i still remember that really well. but it was late at night and he was tired. so we couldn't do much exploring.
then the other time was when sarah, me, and mary were driving to the airport. kind of had to drive through the ghetto. ha. both times were about bryce.
its weird that i'm friends with sarah again! we have such an on and off friendship. its really bad. i wish it would just stay on. but now she has a kid. so its more difficult to keep a friendship.
i didn't get to see Sam today. thats okay. i got up so early today that i actually forgot i was supposed to hang out with her. i'm not sure what i was thinking. lol. i've never done that before. so i just hung out with my mommy:) we did a little bit of shopping. but i didn't really have any luck today. i couldn't find any clothes that i actually like.
its only 10:00 and i want to go bed. i think i just might.
sorry this was so boring. i'm just a very boring person.
do you feel like man when you push her around?
do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
this land is mine.
i'm so worried about Sam its making me sick. I just got done talking to her about half hour ago and my stomach still hurts.
after we got off the phone i just laid there and cried. i wish there was something i could do. but the only thing i can do right now is pray. but i feel like thats not even enough.
i wish she was going through this situation when we were older so that i had a house she could come stay in.
i just wish she wasn't going through this situation at all. this isn't what her life should be like. she deserves better. she deserves someone better. she shouldn't have to worry about the kind of things she worries about. she doesn't even had underwear that fits her because she can't afford to buy a new pair.
i was telling her tonight about how i remember when she came home from the hospital along time ago and she said her and brad were done. and how i just remember thinking "thank you god, he's finally gone." I still feel like its my fault sometimes. Getting her into that situation...talking her into dating him. I don't think i could have changed her mind in the beginning. But at least i would have made some type of effort against going out with him. But nope...there i was...telling her she should date him. What could it hurt? if only i had known.
the only gifts out of this whole situation are the girls.
anyway.
still trying to figure out the whole comment situation. i think it has something to do with the HTML. which is unfortunate b/c i have no idea how to put in comments. i still need to fix the side bar. i just don't know what the heck i'm going put over there. haha.
i actually have tomorrow off. which will be nice. hours are getting cut next week though. you know..its really unfair. don't give me hours if you're just going to take them away. i was looking forward to the 34 hours. meant for money for Colorado. but now i'm not so sure. i'm thinking of applying somewhere like Afni or something. even though its kind of jankie. but ya know, whateve. at least i'd be working somewhere with dependable hours.
josh cracks me up. i love talking to him on the phone. he was reading the weather and telling me word for word what it said. "the winds will be gusting northeast" blah blah blah. lol. i eventually said that was enough but that didn't work so i just humored him.
i'm going to start liking simple plan so that kristen wasted $1.99 on her ringtone. and everytime i call she won't sing anymore. its really unpleasant. but...i'll change that. i'll start liking simple plan. yeah. right.
after we got off the phone i just laid there and cried. i wish there was something i could do. but the only thing i can do right now is pray. but i feel like thats not even enough.
i wish she was going through this situation when we were older so that i had a house she could come stay in.
i just wish she wasn't going through this situation at all. this isn't what her life should be like. she deserves better. she deserves someone better. she shouldn't have to worry about the kind of things she worries about. she doesn't even had underwear that fits her because she can't afford to buy a new pair.
i was telling her tonight about how i remember when she came home from the hospital along time ago and she said her and brad were done. and how i just remember thinking "thank you god, he's finally gone." I still feel like its my fault sometimes. Getting her into that situation...talking her into dating him. I don't think i could have changed her mind in the beginning. But at least i would have made some type of effort against going out with him. But nope...there i was...telling her she should date him. What could it hurt? if only i had known.
the only gifts out of this whole situation are the girls.
anyway.
still trying to figure out the whole comment situation. i think it has something to do with the HTML. which is unfortunate b/c i have no idea how to put in comments. i still need to fix the side bar. i just don't know what the heck i'm going put over there. haha.
i actually have tomorrow off. which will be nice. hours are getting cut next week though. you know..its really unfair. don't give me hours if you're just going to take them away. i was looking forward to the 34 hours. meant for money for Colorado. but now i'm not so sure. i'm thinking of applying somewhere like Afni or something. even though its kind of jankie. but ya know, whateve. at least i'd be working somewhere with dependable hours.
josh cracks me up. i love talking to him on the phone. he was reading the weather and telling me word for word what it said. "the winds will be gusting northeast" blah blah blah. lol. i eventually said that was enough but that didn't work so i just humored him.
i'm going to start liking simple plan so that kristen wasted $1.99 on her ringtone. and everytime i call she won't sing anymore. its really unpleasant. but...i'll change that. i'll start liking simple plan. yeah. right.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
stand in the rain
its raining outside right now.
its been a while since i've had a public journal. sorry..."blog."
ever since that one girl wouldn't stop reading my journal a long time ago and then harrassing me about my entries. that was probably about 3 years ago now.
i wonder how pathetic it is that i'm feeling really uncomfortable having this public. i'm not making it private though. i made this blog on purpose to have something public.
i'm going to Colorado in 2 weeks & 3 days! sahweet. not gonna lie...really excited.
my mom is funny.
she walked in talking about some guy kidnapping someone from a hotel. and i thought she was talking about real life. no...no no...she was talking about General Hospital. wow. what would i do without her.
i'm glad i face things with more confidence and assurance. i don't cower anymore. i figure the situation will last for a short amount of time. and i'll make it through. might as well face it and feel better about myself in the end.
wow. erin just texted me and scared the shit out of me. my phone is so freaking loud.
its been a while since i've had a public journal. sorry..."blog."
ever since that one girl wouldn't stop reading my journal a long time ago and then harrassing me about my entries. that was probably about 3 years ago now.
i wonder how pathetic it is that i'm feeling really uncomfortable having this public. i'm not making it private though. i made this blog on purpose to have something public.
i'm going to Colorado in 2 weeks & 3 days! sahweet. not gonna lie...really excited.
my mom is funny.
she walked in talking about some guy kidnapping someone from a hotel. and i thought she was talking about real life. no...no no...she was talking about General Hospital. wow. what would i do without her.
i'm glad i face things with more confidence and assurance. i don't cower anymore. i figure the situation will last for a short amount of time. and i'll make it through. might as well face it and feel better about myself in the end.
wow. erin just texted me and scared the shit out of me. my phone is so freaking loud.
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