Seether's voice is so calming sometimes. When he's singing slow songs.
I'm addicted to Grey's Anatomy. I really have no one to share that with. Yes, I have a boyfriend who enjoys watching it with me too, but he won't always be around. Then what? I'll be watching it by myself. Who will I laugh with me when something funny happens. The point is, I know Michaline and Kristen both love that show and share that same hobby together. For Halloween they both dressed up as characters. This is deeper then just having someone to watch Grey's with when Jesus isn't around anymore.
I miss Kristen a lot. I didn't realize how much until I started watching Grey's. I knew her and Michaline were becoming close around the time Jesus and I started dating. It makes me sad that our relationship has suffered because of who I'm dating. I know it's partly my fault also. I chose to not go out when I didn't feel like it because I wanted to spend time with Jesus. I still enjoy my time with him but it's become too much and I've realized that I'm ready to get out there and have fun again with my friends. Is it too late for that now? Have I lost her forever?
I'm just not quite sure what to do and I'm slowly starting to become more sad and nostalgic. I just want to be young again and not have to worry about anything coming between us. I just want our friendship back and I think it's past mending. We're still friends. but not best friends. I want her to be my best friend again. I want Michaline to get the hell out of the way. I don't think Kristen even thinks twice about it because she's moved on to someone. Who do I have? Erin? That's really the only friend I feel like I have left and it's just not good enough. No one could ever compare to Kristen. I had that dependency I have on her. I hate the dependency I have on anyone emotionally. It's so easy for me to let myself fall into a crutch and find comfort in another human being. That's not so much the problem, the problem lies in the fact that I become attached. Deeply attached and in the end I find I'm the one getting hurt because I have issues with being independent. It's never been something that I can handle or do. I'd like to start trying. I want Kristen to be my friend again. I feel uncomfortable texting her out of the blue now. Something that shouldn't be an issue at all or a question of "what will she think?", "will she be mad with this text i'm about to send her?" It really shouldn't be that big of a deal. It was bound to happen right? See, that's the thing. I don't think this should have happened. We should still be fine. I"m just not dating a person that's to her standards and it bothers her. I think I felt that in the very beginning with Jesus and I just let it push us apart instead of holding on. Almost like I didn't care. The sad thing is is the fact that I do care and now I'm just stuck and don't know what to do.
