what i'm looking for are the answers to why these questions never go away.

mary's leaving without a goodbye. you know sometimes i get the impression that she just doesn't care anymore.

and when i say she doesn't care...i mean she doesn't care about our friendship. and sometimes i even question how she feels about her and kristen's friendship. that maybe she feels the same. she's very apathetic. and it pisses me off. you know...i love her...more than anything. she's like......more than just a friend. she's past my heart and into my soul. but...all this changing she's doing out in colorado has sort of shunned me (us?--->kristen.) from her life. i think i just need to develop a callous attitude towards her behavior in relation to me (again: us?--->kristen).

its life. its growing. its maturing. just don't shut me out of your life because you feel like it. or because you think i wouldn't understand.

or because you think you're better than i am for leaving and exploring this earth.

someday i'll have my own chance. and maybe its not too soon. but it will happen when its supposed to.

***
anyway.

i really have nothing else to talk about.

hung out with josh tonight.

he's really funny. i love that kid. he's constantly making me laugh.

my future husband better make me laugh just as much! i love laughing. the euphoria is amazing.