everytime its time to go

i'm still going to California. it feels right. and it almost feels like everything may be falling into place. i don't really have any doubts either.

sometimes i throw the idea around of just quitting and staying here. its kind of just in the back of my mind. i'm pretty sure its probably satan or something. because then i'm overcome with the feelings of assurance. instead of the queesyness in the pit of my stomach when i know something just ISN'T right.

its a fantastic feeling. and even if i'm only gone for a little while, like if it doesn't work out or something, at least i can say i tried.

that is the most important thing to me right now. just trying.

i'm actually really excited to get out there. i'm thankful for the tax return. and the tax rebate. although i'm not sure how much the tax rebate will be. not more than $600. but it could be like...$20 or something. so i'm not getting my hopes up on that.

this time around i'm not really trying to count how much i should save each month. i'm just trying my best at saving as much as i can. i told my mom that things will just work out.

i'll admit i'm a little stressed about how i'm getting everything out there. transporting everything will be interesting and expensive. but...yet again...everything will work out.

this has been my dream for a while now. and even if i get out there and just get a retail job or something...at least i'm out there.

i want to find a simple job as soon as i get out there...live with my aunt for a while...probably about 4-6 months...just depends on how quickly i find a decent job with good pay b/c california isn't cheap. at least if i have a simple retail job i can save money without blowing the money i saved to get out there.

i honestly want to find the cheapest apartments EVAR. i don't care where they are at. i'm not picky. okay i guess i am because i don't want to be a white chick living in a hardcore ghetto.
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on to a different subject.

you know...every since i saw Ps. I love you...something inside me changed about the way i view movies!!! its so sad! i just kind of feel like...they aren't real...why invest my time in watching them or loving them? i think its b/c i SO BADLY wanted Ps. I love you to be real!! and i knew it wasn't and it was just depressing.

oh well...maybe i'll get my feelings back towards movies again someday. i'd like to! i miss it! like...crazy/beautiful used to be my movie for california! and now..i just don't feel the same feelings towards it. i'm kind of just like...okay...whateve?
i'm so lame.
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SPRING IS COMING!!!!!!!!!! I don't feel it in the air yet...but its getting warmer!!! but i think its supposed to snow tonight. ah well. it'll melt just as quickly as it came.

later!