i really don't like my life anymore. and i really should appreciate what i have. life is so precious and fragile.
its just hard to face the fact that i'm so alone. i guess i should have learned that a long time ago. i've just never wanted to believe that no one cared about me. i thought having friends proved that people did love me.
it really proves nothing. it just proves that i'm a dependent and needy person. i need to learn to like being alone. that it really IS okay. so i quit feeling so abandonded when my "friends" don't ask to hang out with me. it hurts me to the core. i just wonder what it is about me that i'm not worth being around or hanging out with. the only time i ever get to hang out with people is when i ask them if they want to do something! (with the exception of kristen and shannan).
i mean...i've always known that i'm a people person. i have to have friends to function. its just the way i am. but i'm sick of being hurt. and if i'm being hurt...that means i'm too dependent, right? or maybe...my feelings are genuine and i should feel hurt. wtf? you know...why do i always blame myself? what if for once i blame my "friends" this time. it would just be nice to be appreciated and loved.
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