pink and yellow curtains
flow in the sunlight

i'm sure it would otherwise be a good day
if you were still here

you'd smile and say, "lets go walk,
no shoes allowed, mommy!"

and i'd smile back at you and say, "no, shoes are required!"
hearing your voice whine in protest

would be music to my ears
your toys glimmer in the light

i sit next to a doll
with her face squished

her hair on it's last hinge
looking swallow and sad

i methodically pick her up,
Susie is her name

you named her after your favorite book character
sometimes you'd skip around the house

your tiny fingers would encompass
her entire arm

singing, "Susie-q, i love you, Susie-q."
the halls are so silent

i take Susie to the kitchen
where i place her by the sink

she looks so sad
i can't stand the way she looks at me

standing by the sunlight,
i'm sure you provided for me

i take Susie and throw her in the trash
like how God threw you away

took your last breath from us
closed the lid on you

i can hear your protests in my ears
my imagination running wild,

taking me to you
closing my eyes

i see you in the sunlight
and i whisper,

"it's been 20 years,
happy birthday, baby girl."

i hear you giggle and say, "i love you, mommy!"
and i whisper, "i will always, always love you."

and i know it's time to let her go